Your Spouse Asked for a Divorce but Now Wants to Reconcile: What to Do?

Couple sitting at a table together

When your spouse asks for a divorce, it can feel like the world is falling from beneath you, even if you’ve suspected it was coming. But if your spouse changes their mind and wants to reconcile, it doesn’t necessarily set the world right again. The fact that they asked for divorce makes it clear there’s a problem in your relationship–­ but what to do about it?

Here are three essential questions to ask yourself as you move forward.

#1. Why did your spouse ask for a divorce?

You need to think deeply and honestly about why your spouse asked for a divorce. They may have changed their mind for the moment, but if the issues that triggered their divorce demand are still present in your marriage, there’s no guarantee they won’t change their minds again. You will need to have a frank discussion–or, more likely, a series of discussions–about why they asked for a divorce in the first place to identify the problems in the marriage from their perspective.

#2. How do you feel about your marriage?

You will also need to do a deep dive into your own analysis of your marriage. You may have been initially shocked by your spouse’s demand, but upon reflection, do you see problems and weaknesses in the marriage that need addressing before reconciling? If you could take your fears out of the equation–fears of money problems, fears of loneliness–how would you feel about getting a divorce? Do you actually want to save the marriage?

#3. Are you and your spouse willing to work to save the marriage?

According to Divorce Statistics, only 13 percent of couples successfully reconcile after they have separated. If you want to reconcile and make that reconciliation last, you will both need to commit to improving your relationship. That means putting in hard work, such as:

  • Acknowledging and validating your spouse’s perspective
  • Admitting your own flaws and making an effort to improve them
  • Forgiving your spouse for their flaws and acknowledging their efforts to improve
  • Staying positive
  • Apologizing
  • Avoiding blame
  • Remaining patient
  • Seeking marriage counseling.

We hope every married couple wants to be together and stay together. However, if you ultimately decide that divorce is the right path, you need skilled legal guidance. At Tenn And Tenn, P.A., our experienced New Hampshire family law attorneys can help guide you through the process and protect your rights. Call us at (888) 332-5855 or contact us online today.

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